Saturday, September 5, 2015

gale

it is incredibly windy today.  the kind of wind that rattles your window, blows dirt into miniature cyclones on the road, makes your hair a delightful mess.  it is the first firm whisper of autumn's approach and makes me think of things made with pumpkin pie spice, warm mugs of cider, and everyone i miss who i'm hundreds of miles from.

my first thought when i awoke to this gusty atmosphere was : what a great time to be a bird.  the birds seem to enjoy the chaos of air currents.  and with no ability to anticipate which direction it might go next, they let go of their control, trust in something they can't see or grasp.  they simply float and glide wherever the wind blows.

wherever the wind blows...

i've never been very good at giving over control to God.  i'm fine "trusting" Him if i know what the plan is, if i can predict the steps He's called out for me to follow.  but, that isn't really faith, that isn't really following, that isn't any sort of trust.  because when i'm planning, there is no trust in anyone or anything but my plan.

i can't say why this is.  i don't have any great confidence that i can make stellar plans for my life, or even for my next hour.  i know the Bible verses that direct me toward letting go and trusting in the Lord, i believe them, really i do, but then my life so often doesn't reflect this.  no wonder so many people see Christians as hypocrites, how easy we fall into the trap of not practicing what we preach.  i know i'm guilty of this, but i am trying to at least be more honest about my hypocritical ways to combat this in myself.

i want to be like these birds. to delight in the chaos of the unknown and simply take flight and let God move me this way or that as necessary.  sometimes subtle adjustments and sometimes dramatic, just like the changes in direction of this wind on this blustery afternoon.  the birds don't crash, even when they make sudden, dramatic and fearful dips, they pull out in the end, and keep on floating on.  and they reflect this experiment in utter trust with the unknown, creating an illustration of faith for others struggling in this (like myself) to see.

so my prayer is to not let my thoughts fly behind or ahead, regretting the past or worrying about the future, but to simply let them fly upwards, as an offering, and let them go where His wind blows.

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

boat

there is a small boat
out at sea
sitting alone
lacking directionality

its sail lays limp
its anchor drawn
and the sky is neither
dusk or dawn

it is not empty
but is still somehow hallow
it is both stuck on the past
and worried about the morrow

its been severed from its fleet
its port far, but not forgot
it seems uncertain
of what it is and what it is not

the sea is calm
the boat longs for a storm
something to bring movement
to shake it from this quiet norm

no sound of gulls
no clouds, no breeze
some might see this
as a scene of ease

the horizon lies all around
in a 360 spin
but the boat knows not
which way to begin

it longs from whence it came
but feels it must go a different way
so it simply sits on the sea
thinking of many-a-yesterday

something safe, something warm
the boat has left behind
something familiar, something missing
the boat wants to return to find

there is a small boat
out at sea
wanting to reverse route
but the wind begins to blow oppositely