leaving you somewhere between
high & dry
you congratulate yourself
at your self-predicted failure,
christen yourself a prophet
as you settle into a conviction
to sell yourself short
to see yourself as less than
you were created to be.
training yourself to expect less
becomes a guard against threatening expectations,
an armor warding you from disappointed hopes.
seems the only way to go,
the only way to stifle the sting
of impractical ambition before it's birthed.
you continually deny your worth.
feeling somehow proud of what
you have so long mislabeled 'humility.'
you must learn not to hear
so you can hear yourself think,
so the voice of authenticity
can finally resonate
above the buzz of dissonant mis-truths.
it's easier to think less of yourself.
but just because it's easy,
doesn't mean it is best.
you are called to learn to let yourself rest
in all you were created as.
your apologies for who you are
don't make you worthy of love
love that's freely given
from a distant, yet close, Above.
permit the divorce
of that misguided marriage
to what you were never called to unite with.
see through this self-flagellation myth.
helps bury the fury you aim at yourself
that you've been given grace you cannot earn.
when will you learn
that the light burden
needs no additional weight?
why do you ceaselessly over-contemplate?
there will never be enough time
to pay back all you already have
but can never deserve
an you wrestle with defining it all
don't clinging to the obstacles in your path
they are no life-savers
just walk right on past.
discover the comfort of uncertainty
the security of being unsure.
maybe life is just simply a series
of our taken wrong turns?
you worry yourself to weariness
call it a 'good day's work'
the cloak of anticipated regret
becoming your uniform.
instead: find you must let go of your deadlines
of your timeline
of your blue prints too.
you've played the mind-games
well against yourself
and battered yourself black & blue.
but bruises aren't your identity
no amount of effort will make them so.
let the mound of demands you place on yourself
simply dissolve and go.
perhaps release only comes at the finale
but seek to approach it all the same
a certain freeness comes in the struggle
to accept that we go out as we came.
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
the reflection doesn’t change
or does sight just change with it?
the horizon looks the same
feels the same
and remains the same sort of evasive.
look at the ground instead
stare at the carefully chosen steps
too fearful to run
too unsteady to look up too long
the sky ceiling remains, and remains missed.
invisible and absent
or simply ignored
and the breeze whispers something
we’re too tired to listen for
too stubborn to try to hear.
we steer ourselves
until we steer ourselves wrong
and then we complain and long
surprised to find it already waiting.
but we can’t take it without debating
so the breeze whispers more
and still we can’t be sure
can’t be sure that being swept up is wise.
we soon realize
the bread crumb trail we left
has been blown by the breeze
has been erased
and we can’t go back to what we were.
a gentle stir
a kind nudge to brush off lukewarm wants
of staying just as we are
of clinging to comfort
of wanting a reflection that doesn’t change.